And women don’t like it when men take off their pants and say, “Hey lady, wanna live forever?”
I didn’t actually say that. I came up with that in my mind. I never actually approached anyone to offer my services.
There’s no good way to go about it.
I was going to ask my friend Dave what he thought about it but I was afraid he would want to try it to see if it worked. Getting jacked off by a guy you’ve known since middle school does not sound appealing to me so I never told anyone.
And I’ll be honest. Telling you about this just makes it seem like I’m trying to convince you to spank my monkey. I’m not and I’ve never said spank my monkey before. But I figured you’ve gotten sick of me saying hand job or whacking off.
Let me know which term you’d prefer.
Though, I probably won’t update this once the story has been fully told.
It took six months for any semblance of normalcy to return to my life. I had finally accepted that my wife wasn’t coming back. Her friends probably weren’t either.
So I did what any guy would do.
I started dating again.
And by dating again, I mean getting turned down. A lot.
Hitting on women was a lot harder in your thirties. Even with a superpower.
Bars weren’t working. I was pretty out of what was going on. I no longer did shots. Anything more than two beers and I would have the worst hangover ever the next day. So I turned to my only other option.
Yes.
You’re right.