First Date
I’ll be honest. My life was a wreck for a couple of months after my wife left. I mean, how do you tell a three- and five-year-old that their mother left because giving daddy a hand job turned her back into an eighteen-year-old.
So I did what any sane parent would do. I put on a wig, put on her clothes, and ran around the house hoping they wouldn’t notice.
I’m joking. I am a bit bigger than her. Her clothes would look ridiculous on me. And I gave up on shaving so there’s that. Even though they were small children, they aren’t stupid. At least not the five-year-old. I’m on the fence about the three year old.
I could give you a bit more backstory on my family but it still hurts.
I don’t like talking about my kids besides saying that they are annoying. Which they are only some of the time. Usually when they interrupt me while playing Candy Crush or whatever game it is I’m always playing.
My mom helped out so much.
I wouldn’t have made it through that time period without her either.
I don’t want to talk about her either. It’s weird bringing her up in a story about the fountain of youth properties of my penis.
So no family, okay. I hope you understand.
Anyway, I did try to find a way to monetize this.
But I have a few things going against me. I kind of look like a creep. Especially when I haven’t changed for a while.