God damn that French fry eating lunatic! Fucker gave me a zit on my penis.
And I do want you to know that those acne pads, like Stridex or whatever, they sting like hell on your junk. Do not use those if you get a zit on your dick. Find a cream.
So if you take anything away from this story, take that. And don’t let someone whack you off right after they eat McDonald’s. Always ask that they wash up first.
It took a while but I noticed that they had child-locked the TV in my room. No local channels like NBC, ABC or CBS. All I could watch was Fox News and Turner Classic Movies. Let’s just say that I got caught up on a lot of movies my mom may have missed when she was a kid.
I’m not actually sure how much time had passed. But apparently something major was happening. I wasn’t sure if there was an attack or something. I probably should have switched to Fox News occasionally.
There were people running in and out of the White House all the time.
The President must have been really stressed because he seemed to need me a bit more.
“It’s a god damn cold,” I heard him say when I entered the Oval Office.
Once I entered, he kicked everyone out, put porn on the TV and handed me a Viagra.
Well it turns out there was a pandemic or whatever they call it. There were a lot of people dying. The President was going on TV quite a bit and wanted a “young me up” as he called it before going on live.
He didn’t want the country to see how all the stress was affecting him I guess. I don’t know what he was doing on TV. Apparently, it was also an election year.