The Hand Job

by Rip Peterson

Table of Contents

I shouldn’t have come. I’m an idiot.

Another swig.

It’ll be fine.

I started chuckling.

Another swig.

We arrived at her parents’ house. Still as depressing as it was last time I was there. The yard, bushes and flower beds were immaculate. Fuck people who do that. Get a life. Play some Candy Crush or whatever.

Another swig.

I followed her into the house. I kind of felt like a teenager again. Sneaking into the house. Trying not to seem as drunk as I was and probably failing miserably.

“So where’s yo momma?” I asked.

“She’s probably in the kitchen,” my wife said. “But we’re not here for her.”

“Who are we here for?” I asked, now confused by why we were at her parents’ house.

She just looked at me like I should know.

“Who are we here for?” I asked again.

I think the alcohol is affecting me a little more than it used to. I started feeling warm.

She didn’t say anything. She just stared at me like I was an idiot.

“Let’s go see your mom,” I said.

“We aren’t here for her,” the bitch responded.

Oh God, why did I come.

“Follow me,” she said with a calmness I didn’t know she possessed.