The Hand Job

by Rip Peterson

Table of Contents

The Normal Life

Now the next year was pretty boring.

I didn’t date. No more hand jobs. Absolutely no sexual encounters at all.

Frustrating. Obviously.

But I guess it was by choice. I deleted the dating app. I stopped going out. I concentrated on my kids.

Best of all, I did end up losing a bit of the beer belly.

It wasn’t actually caused by beer by the way. I had gotten in the habit of eating fast food at work. But it’s a little sexier calling it a beer belly than a two double cheeseburger belly. Which was my daily work lunch for a few years.

I felt a little healthier. I guess it’s what my wife, um, former wife felt after giving me a hand job. I just had to go about it the long way.

No shortcuts for me. Which is fine.

I don’t need a shortcut.

Anyway, I was happy with my little lonely life.

And of course, any time you’re happy, you know what happens.

Well, that’s what happened to me.

It was 2016.