“You think you’re intimidating, fucknut?” the puppet said.

The puppet pulled Luke further up the stairs until they were face to face. The preacher grabbed Luke’s arm and squeezed. Luke dropped to his knees in pain. The puppet gasped.

The preacher laughed, then stopped suddenly. His eyes widened. His grip slackened.

The preacher’s riot gear hung loose. He shrank four inches.

Luke felt himself growing. His muscles thickened, his limbs filled with energy. He rose, lifted the preacher by the throat, and hurled him into one of the others.

“Oh shit,” the puppet said. “I didn’t expect that to happen.”

“What did happen?” Luke asked.

“Well, if you couldn’t fucking tell,” the puppet said, “he touched me. I absorbed his power and transferred it to you.”

“Well, um, thanks,” Luke said.

Three preachers remained. The one in the middle removed a glove, sparks leaping from his fingers.

“I’ll let you get that one,” Luke told the puppet.

“We’re in this together, buddy,” the puppet replied.

“Delta!” the sparking preacher yelled. “Let’s finish this mis—”

A massive baby slammed into him. It hit the ground crying.

The Adventures of Luke & Sock Puppet Jesus