“An American businessman,” the evil puppet continued. “He was an
adulterer, a glutton, a thief. The only sin he didn’t commit was murder.
But I helped him with that.”
The red puppet laughed again.
“On top of that, he was an idiot,” it said. “He’d do pretty much anything
I asked, as long as he made money and got to sleep with women. So I made
him go into politics. Had him say the right things, use their hate against
certain groups of people, blame liberal policies for their misfortunes.
And these so-called Christians followed us willingly.”
Rory Parker smiled.
“This group was ripe for the picking,” the red puppet continued. “After
losing an election, I had them so up in arms about liberals cheating that
they wanted a new country. One where I would lead them.”
“I’m getting fucking bored now,” Sock Puppet Jesus responded.
“So many of them were willing to leave their homes and come live here,”
the devil said, ignoring the comment. “Living how I told them. Hating who
I wanted them to hate. I was forty-seven souls away from completing my
goal when you showed up.”
“Fuck your fucking goal,” the white puppet responded. “You were never
going to win.”
“I would have,” the devil said. “Five hundred thousand corrupted souls in
one place. Do you know what that means?”
“Can’t fucking say that I do,” Sock Puppet Jesus replied.
“With the exiles, these so-called Christians came out and cheered. They
didn’t care that the Book they were following was being perverted. They