In Case you are too lazy to click the link, here's the contents of the blog.
MONDAY, AUGUST 15, 2011
CSIS: Begin The Begin - R.E.M.
Finally decided to start a new band. Calling it The Factoid Club. Not a full band yet. Just a guitar and me. Lots over songs built up since I left previous band. Looking for people to play with. But not really.
I’m in the band too. I play the drums. Well, the snare. The Singer doesn’t want me using a full drum kit. He put me in charge of online stuff and pretty much everything that isn’t writing music. I told him I would start a blog. He said that was an idea and said he would provide notes to put online. He did ask me to clean up what he wrote but I don’t feel like doing that. His writing will be bold. Mine won’t be.
The band is indeed called the Factoid Club. Not sure where he came up with the name. I have asked. He hasn’t revealed it so far.
He asked that I don’t use our names in the blog. I was told to refer to myself as The Drummer and refer to him as The Singer. He said people won’t care who were are. I kind of agree since no one knows about our band yet. Hopefully that will change.
The band started at the end of July. The Singer put up a flyer at Guitar Center asking for musicians who want to get together to make music that pairs well with pizza rolls at 3 in the morning. I wasn’t so much intrigued as much as I was hoping to get some free pizza rolls.
We did eat pizza rolls after the first practice. It wasn’t at 3 AM though. The Singer dips his pizza rolls in Koop’s Arizona Heat mustard. He says it’s really good but I don’t believe him.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
CSIS: Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
Played Open Mic night. Didn't bring guitar. Host lent his. Broke three strings during second song. Sweet Caroline is crowd pleaser not a career ruiner. Asked to never come back.
The string breaking was my fault. I’ll get to that in a second.
After practicing, I suggested going to a bar. You know check out other bands playing in the area. The Singer shrugged but agreed.
We go into the bar. The bartender seemed surprised to see The Singer, thinking he moved out of town or got institutionalized or something like that. The Singer just played it off.
The bar was having an open mic night. The Singer didn’t want to play but after a few drinks, I convinced him to play. He tried using not having a guitar as an excuse but the open mic night host knew him and let him play it.
He wasn’t actually playing Sweet Caroline. The chords were similar and someone in the audience started singing the song. I got a little excited, went up on stage and started doing my best Neil Diamond singing.
I stumbled into him. The Singer fell out of the chair with the guitar and then I fell on top of them breaking the strings.
Totally my fault. I own it. No more Neil Diamond for me.
The Singer also decided that the song will never be played again since drunk people thought it was Sweet Caroline.
The open mic host was not mad. We were never told that we aren’t allowed back.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
CSIS: Twin Cinema - The New Pornographers
Put a flyer up at Guitar Center looking for people to join the band. Been up five days and no takers yet. Need to be less specific. Asked for a conjoined twins who play guitar. One handles the neck, other strums/picks. Updated listing to accept non-conjoined twins who will fit in 2XL shirt and can pass as conjoined. Fingers crossed.
This was a real flyer that The Singer put up. He put my number on it. There have been calls. I can’t even type out what some of the responses have been.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
CSIS: One - Three Dog Night
Gary thought ad was stupid. He will show the way. Said he would manage the band. Called me a meal ticket.
I am not Gary. Gary is a guy we met at a bar. I showed him a couple of songs that we recorded. He said he could help us book some shows. I am down for that. The Singer not so much but not enough to put up any resistance.
So The Factoid Club has a manager now, I guess. Here’s hoping to play some shows.
Monday, October 31, 2011
CSIS: Beer for Breakfast - The Replacements
Gary booked basement show. Paid in beer. One beer. Knocked over during set. Gary mad he didn't get his fifteen percent. I dressed as Santa Claus.
Gary had a friend who was having a Halloween party and invited us to play. We did get paid in beer. I don’t think we ever talked about Gary getting a percentage unless that conversation happened without me. I am the drummer so it wouldn’t surprise me.
The show didn’t go over that well. Mid-tempo indie rock about feelings doesn’t really translate well in a drunken college-aged party.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
CSIS: Kiss Off - Violent Femmes
Gary pushing shows. Not that kind of band. Okay, Gary! Making album two songs in. Sounds like music. Mom not impressed. Dad, casually disappointed.
The Singer has scrapped so many songs. We have two songs recorded that he was happy with. First song is called ‘Oh, Lord” and the second it called “My Blue Stocking Soul”.
Gary is indeed pushing shows. I guess he really is getting fifteen percent.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
CSIS: Kool Thing - Sonic Youth
Album finished. Or abandoned. Seven songs are enough. No need for more. People will get it. Or they won't. Is there a market for homemade CD-R releases? Burned with Windows Media Player. No cover as of yet.
I really enjoyed making this album or EP. It was fun trying to come up with parts with only a snare. Not sure if the album is just for us or if we plan on selling it. Either way, I’m proud of this. It’s the first thing I’ve ever finished.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
CSIS: Sound of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel
CD didn't burn properly. Put disc in car CD player and it wouldn't play. Watched it being finalized!. Please help, Bill Gates. I found a guy willing to buy CD for $5. Only 499,999 more until gold record. Holding breath now.
Not sure how The Singer messed up burning the CD. I was excited to give it the car test and taking a drive listening to what we created.
The guy who is willing to buy the CD is my brother. I don’t think he will actually listen to the album though. But a pity sale is still a sale.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
CSIS: Perfect Disguise - Modest Mouse
Gary borrowed Santa suit. Split the ass when bending over to kiss a garden gnome he thought was elf under mistletoe. More upset about missing that than the ruined pants.
I was there. Gary did indeed split the pants of the Santa suit kissing a woman. She wasn’t a garden gnome. She was dressed as an elf. I don’t know why Gary decided to kiss the elf instead of someone dressed as Mrs. Claus. I also don’t know why everyone was dressed up.
And yes, I also dressed up as an elf. The Singer passed on coming to the party and the show because he refused to dress as an elf. I don’t blame him at all.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
CSIS: An Unmarked Product - Guided by Voices
Figured out Windows Media play burning. The Chipped Tooth Duty now officially available for sale. Only 25 made. 24 left. Get it while hot.
Tracklist:
1. Oh, Lord
2. The Tallest Building
3. My Blue Stocking Soul
4. Hanging Out With Old High School Friends
5. Find The Right One
6. A Song Not About Feelings
7. Let’s Give Up
Oh, happy new year's eve. Didn't notice it turn midnight. Was watching WMP burn progressing.
He did it! I didn’t actually think that we would ever release anything. Gary is pissed about the album title and cover. The title refers to his chipped tooth and the 15% that he gets for booking shows. The album cover is a picture of his chipped tooth smile.
My brother didn’t end up buying a copy.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
CSIS: Stop Playing Guitar - The Promise Ring
Gary booked show. No pay. Exposure. He still gets 15%.
Yes, we did play a show and yes, we didn’t get paid. It’s fine. A few people seemed to enjoy us. I feel like we are getting better. I am starting to dance when playing the snare. I think people are digging it.
Gary was up front that it wasn’t a paid show. He said that it may lead to paid shows if we are lucky.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
CSIS: Mellow Yellow - Donovan
Played show 2 nights ago. Same venue as open mic incident. They didn't seem to remember me. Made sure not to play Sweet Caroline. Sold 2 CDs. Landlord said exposure doesn't count as rent money. Told him to take it up with Gary.
My brother came to see us and bought a CD.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
CSIS: Sugarcube - Yo La Tengo
Creativity peak. Not sure where songs are coming from. Recorded 20 songs in last week. May need to cut out caffeine. Starting to shake. Sweat. I think Gary is dating garden gnome. He wants it on the next album cover.
I was only there for 10 of the songs. Which is fine. He hasn’t shown me the other ten yet. Hoping they are good.
Gary is indeed dating the woman who was dressed as an elf from the Christmas party. That seems to be taking up a lot of his time but he is still trying to book a lot of shows for us.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
CSIS: Know Your Onion - The Shins
Second album released. Rooftop Collateral. 8 songs. Garden gnome cover rejected. Gary disappointed. Too disappointed. Note to self: investigate Gary's love of gnomes.
Tracklist:
1. Solving Equations
2. Without you is better
3. Fast Forward
4. The Wrong Way Home
5. Movie Theater Butter
6. Ashtray Success Stories
7. Insolent Mirror
8. All My Life
25 copies available until gone. Second print depending on how first sells.
Gary gave us five photos of his girlfriend to put on the cover or back cover of the CD. She’s not ugly but I don’t see anyone buying something with her picture on it. She is really nice though.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
CSIS: Liar - Built to Spill
The rumor going around town saying I dropped out of old band due to song being on Gilmore Girls not entirely accurate.
Okay, I went to the bar without The Singer. The bartender knew we are in a band together. He told me that The Singer was in a band in the earlier 2000s. They had a decent following. He said that one of their songs was used on Gilmore Girls. The Singer (who wasn’t the singer of the band, only a guitarist) freaked out and quit the band because he didn’t want to be associated with that kind of thing. I tried getting the bartender to give me more information about the band, the song, which episode of Gilmore Girls the song was on but he didn’t remember the name of the band nor did he ever watch Gilmore Girls.
I asked The Singer about it and he sent me the above note to put on the blog.
Friday, June 29, 2012
CSIS: Slack Motherfucker - Superchunk
Hiding. Working. Hiding. Be back soon.
I hadn’t seen The Singer in a month and he stopped by and handed me this to update the blog. I also haven’t heard from Gary either. I thought the band might have just kind of dissolved.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
CSIS: Had To Find Out - The Folk Implosion
Was about to start recording some new material but neighbor started shooting off fireworks. Or he is murdering someone. Will know more if cops come.
It was me lighting off the fireworks. I accidentally locked myself out during a smoke break. The Singer wouldn’t answer the door. I started lighting off bottle rockets to get his attention. It didn’t work. Guess the new songs won’t feature me.
Friday, August 17, 2012
CSIS: Think Long - Mates of State
NEVER EVER doing that again.
Gary found some old Encyclopedia Brown books in his garage. You know the kid that would solve mysteries for a quarter. He thought it would be a good idea for a show. Not solving mysteries but having the audience pick what the song would be about for five dollars.
So basically, the audience would fill out a slip and The Singer would need to ad-lib lyrics based on what they wrote. We weren’t writing new songs, just reworking what we already had.
INDIE ROCK IMPROV NIGHT is what Gary called it. The Singer was dreading it. I didn’t care. I only play the snare.
We only had 5 people that filled out requests. One song was about Pabst Blue Ribbon, that one went over alright. Another song was about a grandma getting attacked by a shark. I think I saw a girl in the audience crying during that one. Especially when The Singer ad-libbed a line about how grandma won’t have an open casket.
The Singer did let Gary know that we will not be playing any themed shows going forward.
Saturday, November 3, 2012'
CSIS: Ideas of Fire - Preston School Of Industry
Listeners of the band don't realize that every song is inspired by an episode of Dharma and Greg. There are 115 episodes. Unless another TV show is picked after final, The Factoid Club will only have 115 songs.
I honestly don’t know if this is true or not. I need to find someone with Dharma and Greg DVDs to make sure. If you are reading this and have it on DVD, hit me up.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
CSIS: Anything Could Happen - The Clean
Gary called. Haven't talked in months. He needed his 15% of exposure for the January show. Plus interest. Not sure how to pay him.
We hadn’t heard from Gary since the indie rock improv show. I’m not sure why he contacted The Singer. He usually communicates through me.
Friday, February 22, 2013
CSIS: Couldn't You Wait - Silkworm
Been ducking Gary. Don't have exposure to give him. Won't book more shows until he gets his cut. Gary changed since he met the garden gnome.
Gary has been trying to convince The Singer to incorporate covers into our shows. Said he would be able to book more shows if we played some well-known songs. I think it’s a great idea. The Singer doesn’t want to do it.
I think I can convince him.
Friday, March 15, 2013
CSIS: Fighting - Alex G
Patched things up with Gary. Agreed to put his name in next album title. He wants songs people will sing along too. By people, he means garden gnomes. Dharma & Greg has no episodes that appeal to gnomes.
His girlfriend doesn’t like our music. I know that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Her favorite band is Train. We definitely don’t sound like them and never will.
I’m pretty sure the Dharma & Greg thing is a joke but I’m not 100% sure. I still haven’t been able to find anyone with the DVDs and I don’t have able so I can’t watch reruns.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Played another show
No notes from The Singer. I did convince him that we should try playing some covers. He finally agreed. He ended up picking No Surprises by Radiohead.
I thought that might go over well.
But then it came time to play the song. The Singer replaced the words with the Fitter Happier robot talking thing from OK Computer.
I was not happy. The Singer looked at me after the song was over and smiled.
I guess no more covers.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
CSIS: Pull My Hair - Bright Eyes
Definitely no gnome related content in Dharma & Greg. Is this writer's block? Need to make Gary and gnome happy. Pulling hair out. Or hairs. It's more than one.
Not sure why The Singer is still calling Gary’s girlfriend a gnome. She’s short. She dressed like an elf once at a Christmas party. She’s nice. I’m not sure if The Singer has even met her yet.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
CSIS: Hand Me Downs - The Minders
Won an acoustic guitar at a carnival by popping three balloons with darts. Sounds horrible. Won't stay in tune. Think I found my new sound.
It sounds horrible. But it sounds great on a couple of the new songs that The Singer has written. Can’t wait to show you guys.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
CSIS: Uptown Girl - Billy Joel
Found a muse in an unlikely source. Not a sitcom Not going to be a full album. 4 songs is all you get, Gary.
Not sure where he got the ideas from, but the new songs are pretty good. I’m guess the carnival guitar unlocked something in him.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
CSIS: Three or Four - New Pornographers
Gary liked three of the four songs. Said the one he didn't like wasn't compelling enough. Gnome don't want to sing along. Need to give gnome and Gary something to sing along too. Need to figure out why a one man band who records on old tape recorder and rarely plays live needs a manager.
Two man band. I don’t know why he doesn’t consider me a part of the band. We’ve been playing together for over three years at this point. Yeah, I don’t write the songs. Yeah, sometimes he records songs without me but I still play on a majority of the songs. I’ve been trying to convince him to play more shows but he seems uninterested.
I wonder if he thinks I’m a figment of his imagination or something like that. Now I am questioning if I am real or The Singer’s imaginary friend. I’m 97% sure that I am real.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
CSIS: Anyone But You - The Moldy Peaches
Played a show. Bus pulled up with bachelorette party. Announced next song as "A Stripper Is Grinding On Your Fiancé Right Now”. They didn't finish their drinks. Bartender got upset. He doesn't get art.
It was a last minute booking. Another band backed out and Gary called us with an hour notice. I agreed to do the show.
The Singer was mad that I didn’t consult him first. He said that he had to cancel his plans.
He was mad all night and purposely drove those bachelorette party out. He was actually proud of it too.
Thinking back about the show, it was kind of funny.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
CSIS: Advice to the Graduate - Silver Jews
Was in Christmas spirit. Wrote Christmas song called Santa Claus Hates Poor People. Dad said it was most honest Christmas song since Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer. Mom left room crying. Came back 30 minutes later to say I make it sound like she gave me bad or no gifts. Was reminded that I had more He-Male and the Controllers of the Galaxy action figures than any other kid in the neighborhood. Touche, mom.
It was actually fun helping record this song. I don’t think we will ever release it but it’s funny as hell. His parents’ reactions were real. His mom was sad that he wrote a song like this. His dad just kind of chuckled.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
CSIS: Half-Man, Half-Mole - Chris Knox
EP is finished. Gary not happy with drumming being on pots & pans and using broken tree branches as drumsticks. Told him it was part of the appeal. He bought the lie. Gary Wants It Poppy EP coming out next month!
The pots and pans was just on 1 song. He recorded it without me for some reason. We practiced the song a few times too. I thought the beat I came up with was pretty good. Not sure why he didn’t wait for me to record with him. It’s not like we have a label telling us we need the EP to be ready RIGHT NOW.
I’ll need to speak with him about this. I wonder if he’s still mad about the cover song thing.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
CSIS: Can You Dig It? - The Monkees
Only made 10 copies of EP. Super rare guys. Gary wanted more copies. Told him to buy the blank CD-Rs and more would get made.
Tracklist
1. Sorry If You Expected Something Different
2. Come Alive
3. Healing Hand
4. G+GG
Get your copy now before it sells out!
The 10 copies was my fault. The Singer’s computer broke down and he tasked me with transferring the songs to the computer. He also told me to transfer our previous albums.
I went to Office Max and they only had 10 packs of blank CD-Rs. They had a sale on the 100 packs and were sold out.
The Singer wasn’t too disappointed. He thinks that it’s a collector’s item since there are so few.
Monday, March 10, 2014
CSIS: Careers in Combat - Parquet Courts
Gary booked gig but turns out it was a call center job. Went in carrying acoustic guitar. Trainers gave weird looks. Gary emailed his bank info to set up 15% of paycheck to go to his bank account. Texted Gary and was told to stick it out for the four week training and then we can talk. Told him no. He said yes, keep the job and hung up. Need to find that contract to see if working in call center is part of the deal. The boss provided pizza for lunch to encourage co-workers to get to know each other. I ate four slices and then left.
I was suspicious when Gary told us that we needed to arrive before 8 AM. The receptionist gave us a weird look when The Singer walked in with a guitar and I walked in with a snare drum.
She took our names and lead us to the training room where 17 other people were waiting to being learning the job. I can confirm that Gary was expecting a 15% cut from our paychecks.
We never did sign an agreement with him. Maybe it’s time to move on from Gary. But doing that, I don’t think I alone could convince The Singer to play shows. He is content with recording his songs and then forgetting about it.
The pizza was just Hot N Readys from Little Caesar’s. Nothing special. I was ready to stay for the full shift but The Singer wanted to go. He didn’t care about the paycheck or the people there. He didn’t want to waste any more time and wanted to get home so he could go back to bed. He said he’s never waking up that early again.
I don’t blame him.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
CSIS: I Found Out - Dressy Bessy
Found the contract. Was a lot of fine print. Need to play at least one paying show a week or get job giving Gary 15%. Also cannot have pizza parties without inviting him. He wants large all meat pizza. Every meat the store offers. Also need to send him birthday cards. He still doesn't know that I quit the job.
Did The Singer sign a contact without me present? I wasn’t aware that Gary and The Singer met besides when I was present. Note to self: Ask to see the contract and find out if I’m included in that.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
CSIS: Sucked Out - Superdrag
Asked to play last minute show last night Busiest bar night of the year. Agreed to do it of course. During set, drunk guy asked, then demanded a rendition of Free Bird. Played it. After, he said I didn’t sing like I meant it. Of course, I did. Not a song, I would have picked to play. He was lucky I attempted it all.
It was the worst version of Freebird I have ever heard. I think The Singer has only heard the song once. He definitely doesn’t seem like the type of guy to listen to Lynard Skynyrd.
But it was fun. I laughed my ass off the whole time.
Sometimes, this band is worth being in.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
CSIS: Major Label Debut - Broken Social Scene
Gary booked a New Year's Eve show opening for a cover band. After set, Gary brought up guy claiming to be from Atlantic Records. Said he was AR guy. He wanted my phone number. Told him I don't do that. Gary slapped my back hard and gave him his number. Said he was going to ride me forever. Feel dirty. Showering for third time.
The guy was definitely not an AR guy form Atlantic Records. Pretty sure AR guys don’t have mullets. And yes, I willingly gave him my number just in case he was being honest. Fingers crossed.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
CSIS: I'm Always In Love - Wilco
Gary got married today. Turns out garden gnome wasn't garden gnome. Gary hired band to play reception. Sat and drank weak rum & cokes while the band played bland covers of all my sister's favorite songs. Bride winked at me. Not sure what that was about.
I’ve been telling The Singer for years that she wasn’t a gnome. But once he got the idea in his head, it was hard getting it out.
The cover band was pretty good. I miss playing on a full set.
The bride didn’t wink at him. Gary, I probably shouldn’t be divulging this, when drunk, spits when he talks. He was telling his new bride how beautiful she looked for the hundredth time that evening and his spit shut in her eye due to her having to look up at him since she’s short.
She was blinking because of that. Not winking at The Singer.
Friday, June 19, 2015
CSIS: Separating Fault - Elf Power
Halfway through writing/recording fourth release. Taking break for summer. Will be relaxing for next two months.
The Singer decided to take a break due to friction with Gary. Understandable. We’ve recording a couple of songs. Well, I have recorded a couple of songs with The Singer. I won’t know which songs will be on the album until he shows me. I’m guessing there will be a couple songs on it that I’ve never heard before.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
CSIS: Cut Your Hair - Pavement
Gary's cousin's husband works in the subway marketing department. They are freaking out after the Jared incident. Want to go in a new direction. Gary convinced the cousin's husband to let us pitch a song. Gary even said we can come up with a sandwich. Gary is expecting thousands of dollars if deal goes through.
Holy shit! Gary does indeed have a cousin-in-law that works for Subway and not as a sandwich artist. This is the best news I have had all year.
I had to beg The Singer to do this. This could be our big break. We could be the next Free Credit Report Dot Com guys.
I really hope that he takes this seriously. Doing this will make up for a lack of doing live shows and him not including me on a bunch of the songs.
Thank you law enforcement for getting that freak Jared Fogle off the streets and possibly being the reason why people will know The Factoid Club!
Sunday, August 30, 2015
CSIS: Cooking Up Something Good - Mac Demarco
Still trying to come up with a jingle for the subway commercial. Gary said it has to appeal to adults. It can't mention Jared or children. It also has to be catchy.
Gary did indeed give us some requirements for the song. The Singer wasn’t too happy but he wouldn’t have written a song mentioning Jared or children. It’s been 10 days. I have reached out to The Singer daily since I found out this was a possibility.
He stopped answering my calls and won’t text me back.
He better not screw this up!
Saturday, September 5, 2015
CSIS: I'm Into Something Good - Herman's Hermits
Came up with the perfect song. It will be adult enough to help bring people back to Subway. The song was easier to make than coming up with a specialized sandwich. Decided that our sandwich, called The Factoid Club, would be a footlong on Italian Herb & Cheese with just mayo.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
No one! No one is going to walk into a Subway and ask for The Factoid Club.
Who would even eat a footlong sub with just mayo on it? No Meat. No Cheese. No Veggies. Just bread and mayo.
The song is catchy. It doesn’t mention Jared or children.
But it does mention two consenting adults Lady and Tramping a footlong sub.
It definitely could have been worse.
I did get play on it though.
So I guess, lemons, lemonade and all that.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
CSIS: Gary - Speedy Ortiz
Gary spoke to the cousin's husband. He got fired. The other executives said The Factoid Club (the sandwich, not the band) would be a disaster. No one would buy a footlong with just Mayo on it. They also didn't like The Factoid Club (the band, not the sandwich).
Did we actually get Gary’s cousin’s husband fired from his cushy Subway marketing job?
The song wasn’t that bad. The sandwich on the other hand.
I’m too shocked to be angry with The Singer. I’m sure he intentionally blew this chance.
Friday, April 1, 2016
CSIS: Mama - Stephen Malkmus
Fourth release still halfway done. Fifth release is 7/8th of the way done. Can you release fifth before fourth? Would people notice? Don't want them thinking my fifth release is my fourth. My mom also says it's time to get a job. A real job. One that pays money that doesn't go to Gary. I love you mom, but no. Gonna make this dream come true. If you wanted a son that would amount to anything, you shouldn't be so moochable.
He doesn’t live his with mother. I wonder if she pays his rent. The Singer has never mentioned bills and I know that we don’t sell many CDs or play live shows.
We’ve worked on a handful of songs but not enough for two releases. I still need to talk to him about including me more.
Friday, August 19, 2016
CSIS: Farmhouse - Phish
Gary and wife bought a farm a few months ago. Then started church. Wants me to move onto his "compound" and play guitar for the choir. He will pay then take out his 15%. Also told me future albums need to be about his church Gary Christ and the Holy Spirit Tabernacle. Not sure what to feel about it. Oh, released fourth album on June 13th. Called it Drastic Slowdown.
Tracklist
1. Only Here Once
2. Wrapped Up Nicely
3. Another song about Dharma & Greg
4. Tall Tales
5. Fortune Cookie
6. Reasons Not To Try
7. My Day Off
8. Ancient/Futuristic Feedback Loop
My fifth album was released the day after. It's called Goalposts Moved Again
Tracklist
1. People
2. Door is locked for a reason
3. Thoughts On
4. Specialty Pizza Prices
5. Last Time, Next Time
You can pick up copies at the Gary Christ and the Holy Ghost Tabernacle Gift Shop.
I did take care up on the offer. I need a change of scenery. Unlike The Singer, I still do live with my parents. The barn is actually really nice. There are so many bunk beds and I have made so many new friends.
This change is going to be good. I can feel things starting to get better already.
Monday, October 10, 2016
CSIS: Hypnotic Suggestion - The Apples in Stereo
Harvest festival at the Tabernacle. Thought Gary would pay but he insisted that all members of his church donate their time. I play guitar while other members pick corn out of field. All corn going into huge dumpster. Gary hates being around corn. Members hate songs about corn too. Sally, a member of the church trying to flatter me. She wants to be my singer. Told her she is better at picking corn. Happy Harvest Everybody!
I was going to play the snare but I thought the corn removal was more important. We mustn’t let Gary down.
I never liked corn much anyway.
And Sally is really nice. She has a good singing voice. If she could play guitar, I’d start a band with her. Maybe she’d let me play more than the snare.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
CSIS: Take On Me - a-ha
Recording secret album. Gary mustn't know. Not affiliated with his church. Is this how Adam and Eve felt eating apples?
He passed me this note when I was in town visiting my parents. I don’t know what The singer is trying to accomplish. Is he trying to make me jealous? Is he trying to get me to leave the compound?
It won’t work. The church is my home. I have never felt like I have belonged somewhere as much as here, The singer would get that if he took things seriously.
Saturday, December 3, 2016
CSIS: King of Carrot Flowers Pts 2 & 3 - Neutral Milk Hotel
All hail Gary Christ and the Holy Ghost. End of post.
Ha Ha! Ha!
You should be hailing Gary Christ for all that he has done for us instead of giving me these notes to post online.
I don’t know why I even keep doing this.
Sunday, December 11, 2016
CSIS: White Trash Heroes - Archers of Loaf
Gary Christ does have superhuman powers. Cops came sniffing around compound. Gary became invisible. His wife was taken away. But Gary turned visible again and let us know everything was fine.
Yes, it was a sad day at the church. Mrs. Gary Christ was taken away by the police. I don’t know how the cops found out about our church or why they think it’s a cult.
I hope they never find Gary.
Friday, December 23, 2016
CSIS: Rebound - Sebadoh
Gary growing a beard is not not awkward. Wife never returned. Gary now married to all women on the compound. Sally now is in band. Can't argue with Gary Christ. Welcome aboard, Sally.
The singer comes around for just a few hours once a week or less.
He doesn’t get the church. He doesn’t get that we are family.
He doesn’t get that Gary Christ deserves 13 wives since his wife was taken from him.
I do wish that I could have married Sally before Gary did though. She looked beautiful in the dress. I should have made my move last month after the harvest festival.
But Gary really does deserve as many wives as he wants. I’m not disappointed. I’m not.
Sunday, December 25, 2016
CSIS: Christmas at the Zoo - The Flaming Lips
Gary allowed visiting with parents for holiday. He needed Christmas gifts. Told all the men to comeback with stuff. Think he was visited by three ghosts last night. His beard grew three inches. He tossed me a quarter and told me to get a goose in the way back.
Finished recording sixth album. Handed master CD to mom. Told her it wasn't a gift. Told her if she never hears back from me to spend all her retirement savings to release and promote album. She rolled her eyes but said yes. Not sure what she is going to do. I hate mixed signals. And Sally's singing voice. Nails. Chalkboard. Parrot that only knows swear words.
The singer picked me up from the compound to take me to my parent’s house. He had me transfer the album from tape onto my computer. After burning it to a CD, we went to his parents’ house.
His mother is really nice. I do believe she would spend all of her savings promoting the CD. Not sure why he never did that before. He may have been joking. Not once in the last six years has he actually done any promoting. I don’t think he tells anyone that he’s even in a band.
Sally has a very good voice. I don’t know why The singer hates her. Maybe because he knows that she is a better singer than he is. I can see him being secretly jealous of Sally Christ’s natural talents.
And Gary didn’t actually toss him a quarter. The singer just likes to take any opportunity to make light of my lord and savior.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
CSIS: I Fought The Law - Bobby Fuller Four
Compound got busted yesterday. Gary was arrested. He resisted and large chunks of beard were pulled out. Had to answer questions. "Why did you come here?" "Just the guitarist" told the cops. Everyone was told to go home. Sally sat in steps of house crying. She had nowhere to go. She asked to come with me. Looking into her eyes as she cried. Smiled and said no. With that, The Factoid Club is now one man band again.
I called him to pick me up after law enforcement took my lord and savior Gary Christ away. Sally and I were sitting on the steps leading up to Gary’s home on the compound. Both of us crying. Both of us devastated by Gary’s arrest.
I started saying my goodbyes to Sally. She led me into the barn so we could have some privacy.
I didn’t realize we were in there for an hour. The Singer left without me.
I had to walk back. Sally decided to come with me since it was a quicker walk to my parents’ house than to her house.
We walked about forty minutes before a car stop and offered her and only her a ride.
She smiled and left with the car.
I was alone.
I could swear the singer passed me a few times and honked.
I still don’t know why he gives me these notes to post online. I probably should have thrown it out instead
Monday, April 17, 2017
CSIS: Poor You - Daniel Johnston
All previous releases are gone. Never to return
The singer was pissed. While I was living on the compound, my mother donated my computer with all of our recordings to Goodwill. She also threw out all of the tapes thinking they were junk.
I went to Goodwill to find it but it was already sold.
The last six years of the band are gone.
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
CSIS: Birthday Cake - Cibo Matto
Gary called from jail. Needs me to bake him a cake. Don't know how to bake. He gave me list of ingredients. Never would have thought nail file would be ingredient in cake.
Gary isn’t made for jail. We all need to do our parts. They won’t let anyone who was living at the compound visit. The singer is his only chance.
I must convince him to help.
Sunday, June 18, 2017
CSIS: All Tomorrow's Parties - Velvet Underground
Ran into Sally. Still sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard. She is putting on a festival to raise funds for Gary. Called it Free Gary Fest. Asked me to play. Will think about it.
Yes. We will play. I am not going to give you a choice. After being in the band with you for the past six years, you owe me this. Let’s get Gary out of jail. That’s the only thing that matters.
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
CSIS: Born in the USA - Bruce Springsteen
Was feeling patriotic and decided to play Free Gary Fest. Show is August 19. That's a Saturday. Be there or let Gary rot in jail. Don't care either way.
He’s finally listening. I hope he has seen the light. Gary will be free!!!
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
CSIS: Dear Deadly - Creeper Lagoon
Sally stopped by. Told her I didn't like her like that. She handed me 200 flyers and told me to promote the show. Told her that was Gary's job. She sighed then left. Hopefully the people at the landfill see the flyer.
I grabbed the flyers before he could toss them. There isn’t a pole in town that doesn’t have a Free Gary Benefit Concert flyer on it.
At least he hasn’t backed out yet. I was worrying the whole month that he would just disappear.
Sunday, August 20, 2017
CSIS: The End of the Tour - They Might Be Giants
Decided to pre-game before Free Gary Fest set. Don't remember rest of the night.
You are an asshole! You single handedly ruined the Free Gary Fest.
I knew you were drunk but still.
You went on stage and just said Fuck Gary repeatedly for 10 minutes.
I’m glad that I didn’t post half of what you asked me to.
Fuck you. I quit
